I don’t think I’ve written here in years!
What has happened in that time? Life. I’ve seen the end of life, the beginning of life, the turning of many chapters. I’ve cried many tears, and laughed so hard till i almost pee’d myself. Simply put life happened.
It was at the end of one part of my life that I asked the question… why is my life seemingly stagnant. It’s there ever there… not changing, not growing. I felt i let life pass me by, i lived in the past, constantly reliving my college days yearning for it. i feared the future, i didn’t treasure the present. Maybe thats one of the reasons she divorced me.
I gave no life. I lived none of it, even if it was right before me.
So now I work hard to live life in as many ways as possible. There is a need to see the past, live the now, and dream the future. The paradox is that it needs to happen all at once! The burden is to not let one overwhelm the other and yet be present in all.
I don’t think i have figured that part out. But i do hope i can learn to come to some form of balance. Life will never be perfect now, it may be in the future. For now… its enough!
I can’t say that my life now is perfect. It is far from it. But i am grateful for the now so much! because it has been given its gift from the past. Our past defines how we see the now. But it is in the now that we must be aware of the gift the past has given us to be able to have the gift of now! and in doing that form the gift for the future!
There is no simple explanation in my mind now. Just that sense that after you’ve run a race at half time you reflect, getting ready for the next two quarters. i look forward to it. I look forward to life!