I Never Knew It Would Be So Hard!

Life has a way of seeming easy but when you walk that road, it can be the most excruciating journey you will ever embark on. For me I see people and say, that’s do-able, or that’s easy, I’ll be able to do better or just the same but with minimal effort.

 

I call it pride and naivety, more pride than naivety. But that the realization that I am going through with my wedding and even my challenge of the marathon. Come June I must be ready for 42km and I am no where near, but the thing is I keep telling myself I’m not that bad and I’m still ok I still have time. I don’t have the luxury of time and I don’t have the luxury of procrastination. That is my biggest failure in life and I’m so helpless at combating it because I want to break the cycle, but yet when people come along to spur me, I bite at them like a wild beast trapped and frustrated. And in the end I’m left alone and still wallowing in the pits. Sigh, how grim. I want to break the cycle I want the discipline to make my mind and body my slave. I want a relentless spirit, one that will never rest its laurels, I want a drive that can never be quenched.

 

And the next thing is my wedding. It’s so tough and so frustrating Charity and I are just resorting to let go and if we really do get married, Hurray! But even if we don’t its like who cares!? We gave up the will to struggle to make things work we get more frustrated and we get so tired and mad at ourselves in the end. What is the purpose of marriage? The celebration of two lives becoming one? Or is it for every one to be happy dress up, look good, show off, make a statement or is it really making it a day for people to remember it? Resorts claim to make it memorable but they don’t care, companies say that they understand it is all just a façade making themselves look caring, but in actual fact they don’t care. All this PR is just to make you feel loved and cared for, it creates a very shallow understanding of care. Many talk the talk, but never walk the walk.

               

                How then? What now? I’m frustrated and lost. Tired and just un-motivated. Dull and hurtful… I feel like a durian that fell to the floor so hard although people want to pick it up is smell and thorns drive others away like a natural mosquito repellant. Where is my focus, have I lost it that bad? Am I that bad?

This Is Who We Should Be!

This is an abstract from an assignment I did for a subject in my studies a reflection on something I heard from somewhere but I can’t remember. I would like to acknowledge the real author but I just can’t figure out where I heard it before. So if anyone knows please do let me know for his work is brilliant. I’ve adapted it and took its essence and applied it to something I felt strongly about.

            Here’s the deal, we have made the church a social club. There once was a story of a costal town where shipwrecks frequently happened. But the fatality rate was surprisingly low. It was because there was a small shed which sat right at the water’s edge with a small group of dedicated men looking out for shipwrecks and rescuing drowning sailors. The shed was simple, shabby and rather run down. But it offered hope and assurance that no matter what happened there is someone looking out for the welfare of the sailors. Soon many lives were saved and touched by the mission of the shed. And the people blessed by the rescuers and the mission of the shed gave back to the group of people and even joined them in their life saving efforts. So a brand new shed was built, beautiful and well painted. The metal bunks replaced with nice comfortable beds, the hard wood floor replaced with plush carpeting, the little fire place sitting in the middle of the room that gave warmth to wet and cold sailors was changed into a large bricked fire place with a log fire burning always. Although the changes were made, the life saving mission still happened, but soon, some of the members are getting annoyed that the wet cold sailors are wetting and ruining the carpet, sofas and beds. So after awhile a small group broke from the original house now turned fraternity and restored the original mission of the shed. But as it continued to rescue and save lives, the trend continued like the first shed. Now along the coast many shipwrecks still happen, but hardly anyone is rescued and the fatality rate is extremely high, because all the sheds have turned into clubs.

            The church has almost become like this. Thank God it hasn’t reached that state but we will be if we do not change soon. We have forgotten to stand for the weak, the helpless and the needy. We were saved because we were helpless and lost. We were drowning in our sin but now that we have it good, we forget. The church is  in danger of being a social club concerned with rules and facades, forgetting its original mission and how and why we exist in the first place. Like Paul standing for a slave (Onesimus) that has no worth, a slave that should be punished for his sins, Paul stood by him, rescued him, and gave him a life and a reason to live. Got hi act together and is now vouching for him. We must not lose sight of what we are called to do: feed the needy, defend the weak and stand for justice. And I believe we will relive the mission of old and see so much more people coming to know Jesus as their Lord and Savior. We will save these drowning souls and give them a reason to live.

            This is how we should be. Maybe its time for us to remember that and come back to God.

I Hate Throw Offs!

 

I hate throw offs, I do. I’m a person that just hates changes to schedules and sudden changes and inconveniences. Maybe I face it so often at work I got sick of it. maybe it’s my ADHD and mainly I blame that but I really get upset and get so cheesed of when that happens to me. And this year has been a lot of that and more importantly when I am at camp. The youth camp this year was such a throw off and honestly I was so boiled up inside I just didn’t know what to do at times. And what more, I hate throw offs at camp, especially at camp. To me camp is vital for inspiration, refilling, just overall goodness must flow from camp. For me camp usually has to be great, and not boring, physically exciting and lots of chill out.

This camp was another great throw off. First was the departure, not only were the people late, well not that late but late enough I was anxious that the traffic will be so clogged because of people travelling and I hate jams. Throw off no. 1. Ok so finally we are ready to go and everyone is here, but the campsite being relatively unknown made it that all the cars had to follow to lead cars and one had to be the tail car. So a convoy and formation was formed, and we rolled out. Throw off no. 2 – apparently our church members have no idea how important it is to keep to predetermined speed limits and formations in a convoy! And the lead car did not think to inform tail cars if there would be a stray or a car turning back. But left us all guessing and trying to catch up. Throw off because I was upset the drivers were just going on their own way which they shouldn’t, but they don’t really care, but I was worried that they won’t find the campsite. Although it is premature because we are on a highway, but I just hate a sudden change of the system and that they did not follow simple explicit instructions.

Well the journey went on and we reached the campsite, after a long while. The journey seemed to take longer than expected, but I enjoyed the view of the drive, and the treasure hunt was also a good way to keep me awake. But upon arrival and a famished stomach because we were to eat breakfast at the campsite; we were greeted by a breakfast so measly it was horrible!!! How can there be not enough food for KKAOG!? LOL we love our food right? But anyways that was just a minor throw off, which lead to throw off 3. Just before we began our service, a vital fuse that regulates power to the block our lodging and meeting hall blew, leaving us with no air-con and in the dark. What a way to start everything.

The resort swiftly rectified that and placed us in a different hall and got power back up really fast. Kudos to the team and management! Then we went out for a caving exploration and jungle trekking. I enjoyed those activities a lot! But I was kinda disappointed with the attitude of some of the people, upon hearing that there will be leeches and ‘natural’ stuff, they refrained and had a million excuses NOT to go, I would go at a whim man! The cave was nothing really too spectacular, but you get to see the wonder of God in different ways and it was something really different and refreshing. It was nice and it felt quite comfortable, it was easy enough for everyone and yet nice, and an eye opener for many. My only complaint is the guide is long winded, maybe it’s just the way of a more laid back culture. The jungle trek was nice it was challenging, more than the many trails I have gone where it was just steps and easy trails. But this was really good trails of logs and thick under growth and just something refreshingly different from the usual boring trails and this had really good nature display, fallen trees, great ancient stones that are not the foundations of great trees, beautiful displays of creation. And the river crossing was just so fun! The water; oh so cool and swift. Not dangerous although the church members made it sound like a raging torrent to thread! Well there were episodes of ‘the attack of the leeches’ but I don’t think these were that great, though the screamed SO loud!!! I think leeches have got a bad press and we really misunderstand them the poor little things aren’t that bad. In fact they are good, it’s just we city slickers can except anything that doesn’t feel or look hygienic and feels urky. What more the idea that it sucks our blood!!! So anyway some were bitten, and this is where I have discovered something quite interesting I have been in the jungle many times and encountered many leeches, but I have never been bitten by them. I would be able to pull it off and get them off before they bite me or they just never sucked me. So any way I picked two leeches to try to coax them to suck me. And I waited. And waited for them to do their natural instinct. But after a long wait, they just would not bite. Maybe leeches find my skin too thick, or protected by a layer of fat that they find hard to penetrate, or just not tasty. Either way they just don’t bite me.

And after the tiring hike and cave we make our way home. Cold and tired we reached home and had our dinner. And while getting ready, the electricity to the entire resort was cut off, the main line blew. At that point I had enough. I was pissed, annoyed at some people and just have quite a bad day. The meeting went on though and some of us had no chance to get freshened up for the service. Throw off no 4. And next was the biggest throw off in the camp – God moved! That service, God decided to move in such a way no one can deny Him being there and the weight of the glory of God could be felt in such a tangible way! Knees wwere bowed, tears were cried, a parable was shared and many lives were changed from that moment on because they came face to face with the Living God! One word – Amazing! Describes it all.

The next day things went on fine with the tour of the cottage industries which included a peanut factory, tou foo factory, mushrooms, then a elephant sanctuary and a deer sanctuary. Nothing short of tiring and the weather was beating down on us hard with each stop. And frankly some people just annoyed me. And throw off no 5. The bus upon faithfully serving us the entire day broke down! 30km from the resort. A distance near to behold but too far to imagine. LOL. But the replacement was really fast and comfy. Throw off no. 6 was the paintball at the end of the camp. They were delayed by an entire hour and the marshal was just too longwinded for my taste. Or I was just anxious to shoot people. but sadly not everyone was a good sport and could take the pain. And I have to admit I am also not the best of sports but the pain was not that bad for me. But among the people we had some really interesting surprises in Chris Chin and Aunty Michelle! They were amazingly good and while my team lost miserably in the championship match, we still had fun.

I still hate throw offs, and although good that has come from the throw off seem clearer now u still find them hard to deal with. But if it wasn’t for the throw off I don’t think God could have moved so greatly. He had to throw us off so we were just expectant; He had to throw us off so that we would focus on Him. I believe now that if not for the throw offs I would not see some people in different lights, I would not see people not normally talking chatting away. I would not get to know people I normally do not have the chance to catch, I would not see families coming together, I would not see people that were more particular than me in always such good cheer, I would not have seen things in a different light and God may not have been able to move that wonderfully and we experience him so marvellously, ministering so deeply. Still I hate throw offs, but I am learning o cope with them. The lessons learnt were far deeper than I can digest and is a big challenge for me. I look forward to learn them and apply them, for one I must walk my talk and talk my walk more. I must embody Christ and not just live a form without the true power! I hate throw offs, I do, but I can learn to love them too! J

Durian in Malaysia is Much Cheaper than Singapore!!!

My friend sent me this article, and although I do not agree with everything he says and the way he expresses it, he has a point. So read, lets discuss and let me know what you think, remember bite the meat throw the bones into a pot to make soup…LOL anyway I also added my lot at the bottom. Enjoy!

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From: umaro_sasquatch@hotmail.com
 

Dear All,

Let us hear some facts…….

Subject: Durian in Malaysia is Much Cheaper than Singapore

In economy, dollar to dollar must be compared as apple to apple. Not
comparing like durian in M’sia is much cheaper than durian in Japan!! Of
course-lah, Japan is not durian producer!!! Comparing Malaysian durian with
Thailand durian make more sense!!

WHAT IS NEVER MENTIONED IN Mainstream Media like NST/TheStar/Utusan/BH are
these facts….

Malaysian PerCapita Income USD 5000
                        VS
Singaporean PerCapita Income USD 25000

Further The Star made a comparison of prices in Thailand , Singapore and
Indonesia .

For Thailand it is quoted at RM3.90/liter, however are they aware that in
Thailand new cars are cheaper than Malaysia by RM10,000. They pay only one
life time for their driving license. No renewal fee after that. Also that
goes for road tax as well. And do TheStar also aware that you can drive all
the way from Hadtyai to Bangkok on a six lane highway without paying any
Tolls!!!

Whereas here in Malaysia you have to pay yearly renewal for road tax ,
driving license and TOLLS, TOLLS, TOLLS!!!

For Singapore how can you quote RM 5.20. Please quote in Singapore Dollars
because they are earning in Sing Dollars. You might as well say Europeans
are paying RM10/liter. RM5.20/liter =3D Sing $ 2.20/liter, still cheaper than
Malaysia in view of fact that Singapore is not a crude oil exporter. Are you
saying that you fill up petrol in Singapore by paying Ringgit.

In economy, dollar to dollar must be compared as apple to apple. Not
comparing like durian in M’sia is much cheaper than durian in Japan!! Of
course-lah, Japan is not durian producer!!! Comparing Malaysian durian with
Thailand durian make more sense!!

For Indonesia we might say is cheaper there at RM2.07/liter but compare that
to their level of income!

Now, let us compare the price with OIL PRODUCING countries:

UAE – RM1.19/litre
Eygpt – RM1.03/litre
Bahrain – RM0.87/litre
Qatar – RM0.68/litre
Kuwait – RM0.67/litre
Saudi Arabia – RM0.38/litre
Iran – RM0.35/litre
Nigeria – RM0.32/litre
Turkmenistan – RM0.25/litre
Venezuela – RM0.16/litre
MALAYSIA – RM2.70/litre

RM 2.70!!! Individual perspective:

As of last month a Toyota Vios would ’cause a damage’ of about RM 89,000.
In the international market, a Toyota Vios is about USD 19,000
USD 19,000 =3D RM 62,700 (using the indicative rates of USD 1 =3D RM 3.30)
That makes Malaysian Vios owners pay an extra RM 26,300.

This RM 26,300 should be cost of operations, profit and tax because the
transportation costs have been factored in to the USD 19,000.

RM 26,300/ RM625 petrol rebate per year translates to a Vios being used for
42.08 years.

I do understand that the RM 625 is a rebate given by the government, but it
also means that one has to use the Vios for 42.08 years just to make back
the amount paid in taxes for the usage of a foreign car. Would anyone use
any kind of car for that long.

Now with these numbers in front of us, does the subsidy sound like a subsidy
or does it sound like a penalty. This just seems to be a heavy increment in
our daily cost of living as we are not only charged with high car taxes but
also with a drastic increase in fuel price.

With all the numbers listed out, I urge all Malaysians to join me in
analyzing the situation further.

Car taxation is government profit, fuel sales is Petronas’ (GLC) profit
which also translates into government profit. The government may ridicule us
Malaysians by saying look at the world market and fuel price world wide.
Please, we are Malaysians, we fought of the British, had a international
port in the early centuries (Malacca), home to a racially mixed nation and
WE ARE NOT STUPID!!!

We know the international rates are above the USD 130/barrel. We understand
the fact that the fuel prices are increasing worldwide and we also know that
major scientist are still contradicting on why this phenomenon is happening.
Some blame Bush and his plunders around the world and some blame climate
change and there are others which say petroleum ‘wells’ are getting scarce.

Again we go back to numbers to be more straight fwd

1 barrel =3D 159 liters x RM2..70/liter =3D RM 429 or USD 134

On 1 hand, we are paying the full cost of 1 barrel of crude oil with RM2.70
per liter but on the other hand the crude oil only produces 46% of fuel.

Msia sells crude oil per barrel at USD130 buys back Fuel per barrel at
USD134. And not forgetting, every barrel of fuel is produced with 2 barrels
of crude oil.

1 barrel crude oil =3D produce 46% fuel (or half of crude oil), therefore
2 barrel crude oil =3D approximately 1 barrel fuel
In other words, each time we sell 2 barrels of crude oil, equivalently we
will buy back 1 barrel of fuel.

Financially,
Malaysia sell 2 barrel crude oil @ USD 130/barrel =3D USD 260 =3D RM 858
then, Malaysia will buy back fuel @ USD 134/barrel =3D RM 442/barrel
Thus, Malaysia earn net extra USD 126 =3D RM 416 for each 2 barrel of crude
sold/exported vs imported 1 barrel of fuel !!!
(USD 260-134 =3D USD 126 =3D RM416)

So where this extra USD 126/barrel income is channeled to by Malaysian
Govt!!!

Another analysis:

1 barrel crude oil =3D 159 liters.
46-47% of a barrel of crude oil =3D fuel that we use in our vehicles.
46% of 159 =3D 73.14 liters.
@ RM 2..70/liter x 73.14 liter =3D RM197.48 of fuel per barrel of crude oil.
This is only 46% of the barrel, mind you. Using RM 3.30 =3D USD 1, we get that
a barrel of crude oil produces USD 59.84 worth of petrol fuel (46% of
1barrel).
USD 59.84 of USD 130/barrel turns out to be 46% of a barrel as well..

Another 54% =3D bitumen, kerosene, and natural gases and so many more.
And this makes a balance of USD 70.16 that has not been accounted for.

So this is where I got curious. Where is the subsidy if we are paying 46% of
the price of a barrel of crude oil when the production of petrol/barrel of
crude oil is still only 46%!

In actual fact, we still pay for this as they are charged in the forms of
fuel surcharge by airlines and road taxes for the building of road (because
they use the tar/bitumen) and many more excuse charging us but let us just
leave all that out of our calculations.

As far as I know, only the politicians who live in Putrajaya and come for
their Parliament meetings in Kuala Lumpur (approximately 60+ km) are the
ones to gain as they claim their fuel and toll charges from the money of the
RAKYAT’s TAX.

It is so disappointing to see this happen time and time again to the
Malaysian public, where they are deceived by the propaganda held by the
politicians and the controls they have over the press.

Which stupid idiot economist equates rebates for rich or poor with the cc of
the vehicles! An average office clerk may own a second hand 1300cc proton
Iswara costing $7,000 (rebate =3D $625) while the Datuk’s children can own a
fleet of 10 new cars of BMW, Audi and Volvo all less than 2000cc costing $2
millions and get a total rebate of $625 x 10 =3D $6,250! Wow what kind of
economists we are keeping in Malaysia…wonder which phD certificate that
they bought from…

Misleading concept of Subsidy:

The word ’subsidy’ has been brandished by the BN government as if it has so
generously helped the rakyat and in doing so incurred losses. This simple
example will help to explain the fallacy:

Example:
Ahmad is a fisherman. He sells a fish to you at $10 which is below the
market value of $15. Let’s assume that he caught the fish from the abundance
of the sea at little or no cost. Ahmad claims that since the market value of
the fish is $15 and he sold you the fish for $10, he had subsidised you $5
and therefore made a loss of $5.

Question : Did Ahmad actually make a profit of $10 or loss of $5 which he
claimed is the subsidy!

Answer:
Ahmad makes a profit of $10 which is the difference of the selling price
($10) minus the cost price ($0 since the fish was caught from the abundance
of the sea). There is no subsidy as claimed by Ahmad.

The BN government claims that it is a subsidy because the oil is kept and
treated as somebody else’s property (you know who).. By right, the oil
belongs to all citizens of the country and the government is a trustee for
the citizens. So as in the above simple example, the BN government cannot
claim that it has subsidised the citizen!

____________________________________________________________

And here is my two cents ( Wah! I  feel like my opinion is small and cheap) worth of thoughts:-

Good points but then there are other variable factors too… I do not claim to be an expert and knowledgeable in this field but I can see that the government is making mistake after mistake.
 
Hitting at the government is not the issue, retaliating against the government is also not a solution. The question is what can be done? How much power do we have as the people? We blatantly put people that are corrupt and we know in the back of our minds that no one politician is truly pure. Yet we put idiots like Gwo Burn Loh in Parliament. A political pawn with hardly any stands other than cursing at the BN government: ”Bloody this, Bloody that.” It seems that when we critique the government of their wrong we are not giving a better solution.
 
Honestly I do not know what the solution is, but if someone has a better one than this, I would like to hear it. I am tired of the government too, and yet I know that God has put the government in its place, nothing is beyond His divine plan. So I will respect them still no matter what, but I will keep looking for a solution and will live life to my means. Sometimes we try to live a lifestyle that is way beyond our means; we satisfy our wants not our needs. If we do that, we may recover, from whatever is thrown at us.
 
Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that we should be passive, but wise, meek and gentle. I may not always be like that but I am trying.
 
I get what he is saying and I agree. But there has got to be a way, a better way for all of this

 

Sad LaL (Grr… Post, or is it Sob Sob

Sigh its supposedly another holiday again. But, I do not get to do anything that really makes me happy. It’s not like I have any rest, the work from the crash courses are still waiting, the current course work is there, and I have more and more responsibilities added on to me. Sigh, I wanna holiday to just get away and just enjoy nature, do something I love, spend time with family and my love. Grr….

Its like this today is Friday supposedly the start of the holidays, but I’m on a mission… then its end Sunday and I will rush back to church to attend the evening service and hang out with my youths  and on Monday morning I agreed to playing at the AG General Council Meeting, and be a teller there ( It’ll be exciting) but it’s just long! It takes two whole day and nights. So Monday and Tuesday is taken up. Then comes Wednesday, and I bet that will be taken up with trying to get everything ready for the camp. Thursday comes the camp where we will be there from Thursday to Sunday, and being a youth camp you can imagine how much energy it takes to keep up with them… LOL and then there is Sunday service again and I am playing. Then it’s back to teaching on Monday and back to school in the afternoon and back to school!!!

There is NO, absolutely NO REST! I WANNA HOLIDAY just to be a holiday resting and relaxing. Sigh! I guess this is the price you pay to be responsible and older… hahahaha….

Sometimes the jingle of Toys  R’ Us seems to ring true, “I don’t wanna grow up….” just stay young care free and just enjoy life and the world around.

I so got to learn to take things easy and just enjoy and have more serious fun and at the same time segregate my time properly man. I know I have been saying ti for years, and I have achieved it in many ways but I seem to keep needing to strive and hit a higher level every time… as of right now I am tired of the many things that is going on and happening in my life. I just wanna break free and live life again… I feel so chocked up!!!! Grrrrr…….. I wanna feel joy again!