I’m alone, confused, tired, sick. I’m struggling, I’m Isolated, I’m Angry, I’m tossed to the side, inconsidered. I’m insignificant, shallow, slow, I’m ugly, I’m Fat, I am unwanted.
I am just a passing matter that does not impact anyone. like a spec of dust landing in a room, it changes nothing, it impacts nothing, it isn;t significant and meaningful at all. I change nothing in the things around me, i do nothing good, nothing is right.
You’ve always heard the expression of rentals right? how they are like unreliable and they are not comfortable and not your own so you don;t feel right?
Well i had that experience recently with my computer. it crashed and was giving me too much problems. so after much delay and procrastination, i finally sent it in for repair, and to my utmost horror began a long and often rather irritating experience. i didn’t know it took so much patience dealing with rigid and often rather lacking in tact workers. HP is a good organization don’t get me wrong, but their service and some of their staff is rather questionable. like how they call all the time, unceasingly just to tell you that they are formatting your computer when you told them the problem and that you would like a reformat since the system recovery is not helping. and how they call to ask if they called and to update you of the thing that the other guy just called to tell you. effecientcy is one thing but its like they have nothing better to do? It may be good for some but i found myself loosing my patience answering their calls.
Then finally despite the constant calls, I have recieved the com back! Yay! and now is the long process of setting it up with the essentials i need.
But i must say using Lei Ngoh’s spare Laptop for the period was nice, her com seemed to have higher specs. but it was like it didn;t beling to me. but when i touched the keypad of my computer there was a sense of belonging like my fingers knew it, how my fingers could fly and type what i need with relative ease and not needing to look where everything was, as compared to Lei Ngoh’s Dell.
One thing is for sure, It’s good to have Lappy Back!
This is amazing i first heard it near 3am one morning working hard to finish certain deadlines and i came across this video that was sent by a Pastor friend.
The amazing limits that men has been given by God. and how if harnesed is really amazing. Watch it and be amazed!
It has been one of the busiest times of the week. And there has been so much happening in this season of my life that I never knew can happen. But it did!
But I learnt from a little stupid even of a little stupid dog, that nothing can really stop me. Leroy, my little tiny miniature Doberman Pincher is a fierce but really miniscule dog. A Champion breed but a tiny dog. He however thinks he is as large as an actual Doberman but sadly he is pretty much like 10 times smaller.
Thursday morning found me waking up to a very unpleasant surprise. I came out of my room after getting ready for college and saw my dog in a bloody mess. Literally blood soaked and in shock. Then I heard the news that he charged a pack of dogs! Why he did it I never can guess, but the fact that he did it and is in this shape tore my heart, although I felt it was so stupid of him and he deserved it.
But it thought me one thing: nothing should stop me from doing whatever I need to. I believe Leroy felt the need to defend his turf, or felt the need of making the places safer for him and his pack which consisted of another silly and small dog – Lex, my father and I. and in many sense a dog is never small enough to defend his home, or his family. I run and track in Kota Kemuning and recently when I went tracting for Shoestring Run a charity run that we’re organizing, no dog was too small to defend the home, almost every home that had a dog was vigilant of this stranger approaching the place of refuge that held its family. And when I seemed to breach the barrier they would try to chomp me. But of course I was within the safety of them being behind a gate. But the vast array of dogs kept in KK showed me that a dog is never stopped from what he needs to do.
I for one complain and like many find ways to get out of what I need to do. But they showed me one thing. I must never stop, or let nothing stop me from what I need to do. Strategy is questionable, especially that which was shown by my little soldier dog. But essence was more endearing.
Leroy is recovering now. I just came back from seeing him and helping dress his wounds. He is recovering well. And that the other thing, we will fail, get injured and badly hurt, even if it is near fatal. But we can bounce back. It’s hard, and it hurts, but bounce back we can and we should. Remember this should be our motto, it is mine now: ‘Never Gonna Stop!’
I’m created perfect right? or I am supposed to be. But I’m not. Some times I wish things would turn around for me , that I’ll be different. That things about me would be nicer. If i could genetically alter myself to be without these traits then i would gladly do it.
How can I overhaul myself? i am in need of a major overhaul of the mind, of the character of my spirit of how i do everything. i need a change. Am I under attack or am I just being cyclical? how can i really change?
Overhaul ME!!!
It’s hard to look at the one you love and know that you’ve hurt them and you don’t know how to right the situation.
It’s painful isn’t it to be lost and not know and form of redemption or finding no way to turn things around.
That’s how you know you are in a rut. Lost, blinded, helpless, everything is habitual and just like a spiky durian hurting everyone around you.
Illuminate me Lord! Ready Me, Guide Me, Remind Me, Focus Me, Tender Me Lord!
